Some charity, this is why I refuse to donate any more, has hit the headlines. Bookstart, whoever they may be, have decided to re write "What Shall We Do With the Drunken Sailor?" and now instead of a lashed up mariner, the sing grumpy pirate. Of course they claim this has nothing to do with political correctness. they wnat to make it a more friendly cuddly experience, for parents to read to their bambinos. What complete and utter tosh. They didn't just stop at the main title, no, instead of shaving his belly with a rusty razor, you now sing "Do a little jig and make him smile!" You can almost picture the meeting they had to come up with this. All sat round with their green tea and muesli bars, as they brainstormed a way to emasculate the ancient nursery rhyme. Oh how they must have hugged themselves with glee, thinking they had struck yet another nail in the coffin of binge drinking.
While we are on the subject of "Charidee" the god awful
Comic Relief will soon be upon us. We will get a fabulously unfunny song, to go with some fabulously unfunny indents (you can't call them ads on the BBC) leading up to the fabulously unfunny event itself. If you are planning a foreign jaunt, it may be an idea to book your flights for the 13th of March, the night when we get to see a bunch of fantastically over paid (usually with your licence fee) comics walk through the African bush looking upset and pompous simultaneously, as they beg for you to give up some cash, so some administrator can top up his wage. Does anybody know how much actually makes it to it's intended destination. It can't be much, after all that money over the years, you think the place would be crammed full of bloaters. So I shall be barricading myself in my house that evening, most pubs will be full of the unfunniest locals badgering you for brass whilst dressed as a shower stall, and keeping my money where it is needed the most. My pocket.
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